My Sex Journey – Threesome, Role-playing, Butt Plugs, Fisting

threesome-roleplay-anal-butt-plug-cam-boysComplete honesty ahead: I’ve been with my live-in boyfriend for a year now, and while our sex life is certainly satisfying, it’s not necessarily … kinky. We know exactly what we like, exactly what we don’t like, and, with our outrageous work schedules, sticking with the easy stuff comes simpler than spending hours on, state, shibari rope bondage.

However I really do not want commitment to give way to sexual uniformity. It’s such a cliché! I want to keep our sexual experiences as interesting as they can be– plus, it’s crucial to make space for your wild side, right?

” If we can see ourselves being simpatico with cash and neuroses and stressful work schedules, then I also have to know if we can manage a butt plug with skill.”

Sure, I’ve experimented in other relationships, but I have not in this relationship. And considering I’m in love with this partner, it’s about time we raised the bar to see where we can go sexually as a couple. If we can see ourselves being simpatico with cash and neuroses and busy work schedules, then I also have to know if we can deal with a butt plug with skill.

So, in an effort to up our sexual prowess, I declared a mission: We attempt something new in bed weekly for eight weeks to integrate more kink to our routine.bFollow together with our XXX-rated journey.

1. Week One: Anal

The day we first had full-on anal sex was the day we went to a Bernie Sanders rally in Queens. Because … sure. Why not?

It was, in all fairness, a great Saturday. We saw Bernie speak, went out for a few of the very best ramen in New york city City, then we came home to our pre-marital bed and chose to attempt an entire brand-new way to make love. While we have actually both done anal previously, it was our first time doing anal to conclusion together– and I was nervous about an effective run. In my own sexual history, anal efforts can in some cases dissolve into rather awkward “oow oow that injures!” and after that you’re simply. kind of. done. Discomfort, if not crafted, is not attractive.

” we chuckled our asses off.”

I’ve heard from porn stars to be selective about exactly what you eat before getting it on anally, however I can attest that we (remarkably!) skilled no issues after taking in spicy miso ramen. We did, nevertheless, used a lot of lube before anything was placed anywhere. Your butt cannot lube itself, and forgoing lube is not only uncomfortable, but you’re putting yourself more at risk for tearing. We started by lubing up a finger (which truthfully felt excellent as I got utilized to the rather familiar experience) and when I lastly felt comfortable, we advanced to full-on penis. And for the very first time– call it love or thorough preparation work– anal sex went off without a hitch. I’m now pleased to say my partner and I have extraordinary anal chemistry.

I’ll be adding this to our repertoire.

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2. Week Two: Name Calling

Beyond the bed room, if my boyfriend ever called me a “slut,” I ‘d tell him to pack his things and get the fuck out. But in bed, being called a “slut” is obviously a huge turn-on for me.

Our standard “unclean talk”– if you can even call it that– is primarily just cooing things like “child” to each other while we go at it. Hardly winning us any porn awards, I understand. And since “slut” is not a word my partner would usually feel comfortable utilizing with me, the way we worked it in was straightforward: I asked him to. During a slur of other unclean speech– where we narrated all the sexual acts we were carrying out on one another– I asked him to tell me I’m a slut, and he did, and I came. That’s that.

3. Week Three: Threesome

Okay so here’s the thing. We didn’t technically have a threesome. However I said I attempted something brand-new weekly, and we indeed tried to find a threesome partner. We’re just still looking.

I also date females, and back when my sweetheart and I were just good friends, we utilized to constantly speak about girls together. Despite the fact that we have not slept with one together (yet!), it was still invigorating to swipe through Tinder as a team and check out females as a pair, not only for a turn-on, however since it reminded me of our relationship and the fun we have together.

Up until that threesome concerns fulfillment, going over and planning the dream itself is its own form of foreplay. During sex, I’ll typically whisper threesome dreams in my sweetheart’s ear– exactly what another female would be doing to him today, what I ‘d wish to finish with her while he’s watching– which alone serves as a mega extreme experience. However I still desire the genuine thing. So uh … message me on Twitter if you’re interested in going on a date with us?

4. Week Four: Slapping

In the ideal mood, slapping can be very hot. We’ve both tried this prior to with other partners, when I’m in the state of mind, it’s one of my favorites– but I’ve never tried this with him. So, prior to things got heated up, I asked my boyfriend to slap me throughout the face– with very specific specs. Without the appropriate interaction (and now can be your time to lastly produce a safe word) slapping, spanking– really anything under the BDSM umbrella– can be potentially unsafe. But with the right communication, it can be awesome.

” think of butt plugs like engagement rings: If you bring one home to your partner and it’s the wrong size, it’s a snafu.”.

While inside me, on my command, he slapped me semi-gently, simply enough to sting. I * instantly * liked it. The intensity of the sting coupled with the taboo nature of the act and the aggressive power dynamic put me that much closer to orgasm. Due to the fact that my partner is respectful in reality, it’s hot to watch the dominant side of him new during sex.

However the dynamic didn’t quite work in the other instructions. Later, when I got on top and (with his consent) slapped him, he winced. My heart melted like I had simply kicked a young puppy, so I had to stop. Submission in bed comes naturally for me, but I’m still working on becoming a better dominant.

5. Week Five: Butt Plug

I’m a supporter of butt plugs, or possibly more precisely, correct warm-up before diving into full anal. But consider butt plugs like engagement rings: If you bring one home to your partner and it’s the wrong size, it can be a bit of a snafu. As with weight lifting, when using a butt plug, you have to start little and work your way up. There is a time and location for the additional big butt plug (as you may have seen in certain pornography videos). But since I hadn’t used one in a very long time, I need to have chosen for the size little Fun Toy instead of the large. I didn’t. Call it carelessness.

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I had my sweetheart lube up a too-large butt plug and use it on me to responsibly get ready for anal sex, and the toy harmed so terribly I sobbed. Anal sex with his penis was a lot more comfy. We pushed the too-big butt plug back in the far reaches of my underwear drawer and away from my booty, and stuck to fingers rather.

6. Week Six: Dead Fish

We’ve currently done about every sexual position I can think about, sans the odd ones you read about for the shower. At 28 I currently have lower back problems– I don’t have to slip on conditioner that might have functioned as lube. As I scanned my brain for brand-new sexual positions, it struck me– dead fish! On Reddit and Urban Dictionary I had heard this term mysoginistically utilized to describe when ladies are lifeless throughout missionary. However what if simply kicking back while the man does all the work is really kind of incredible? Only one way to learn!

One night as we were making love before bed, he was on top, and I unwrapped my legs from his waist and went completely limp. It put a hold-up in the orgasm train, as the position was far too passive for me. I like being * active * during sex, wrapping legs around my partner, touching, pulling, hugging, and holding, so this is not something I would have an interest in attempting once again, however we laughed our asses off.

7. Week Seven: Fisting

My biggest sex mantra for straight sex is always: more foreplay, more foreplay, more foreplay. Too often males simply stick their penises inside women and believe that sex begins at penetration and ends at their climax. Sure, everybody enjoys a quickie in some cases, but sex must also consist of fingers, mouths, toys, and sometimes– gasp– fists! Or a minimum of as many fingers as you can or want to get inside there. Don’t think the old partners’ tales. If a vagina can birth a baby, it can take more than a few fingers in foreplay without ending up being “extended.”.

I had my partner start with one finger, then two, then 3, then four, then five. He could not get his entire fist inside of me, however the intensity of being completely permeated by something that’s not a penis felt hot since it was transgressive (a repeating turn-on for me, I’ve seen on this objective). Fisting is still pretty taboo. It’s fun for the exact same reason it can be hot to have your sweetheart utilize a dildo on you. Provide both a shot!

8. Week Eight: Role Play

We have a Sunday night custom. Dinner, sex, then Video game of Thrones. It is essential to have the sex before the program starts since I tend to get super drowsy after watching TELEVISION, Game of Thrones is infamously rape-heavy (not a turn-on for me), and pushing the couch after we’ve both come produces an extremely relaxing viewing experience.

Jaime and Cersei, the incestuous twins, frequently get painted in an evil light, however I discover Cersei’s cold passion and strong family values charming, and Jaime is simply a huge goof. So, to spice up one Sunday, I pretended that I was Cersei and my boyfriend was Jaime during pre-Game of Thrones sex. (We do look a little bit similar, so: perk.).

Since I’m a role-playing novice, it felt finest to begin small. So it was all psychological role play, meaning we didn’t rather recite discussion from the show or call each other Cersei or Jaime (next time?), but even just thinking of that we were these characters kicked up the sexual stakes and brought yet another hot dynamic into our bedroom. I heard as soon as that the greatest sexual organ is the brain, and role-playing, even in its smallest, most pedestrian kind, verified this for me. Creativity is not overvalued.

The takeaway:

After a long day of work, purchasing nachos and binge-watching Veep can seem far more enticing than the physical exertion required to get it on with showmanship– but it’s worth it. Dedicating the energy to an exciting, in some cases unpredictable, and constantly progressing sex life is satisfying in a manner that Video game of Thrones will never ever be.

And for my part, trying all these erotic however slightly-outside-my-comfort-zone activities provided me an entire new point of view on what actually gets me going. That and a renewed appreciation for Bernie Sanders.